shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
