Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize