I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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