My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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