i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Who died my cat blue again?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
