i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
