return my video game
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
