I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
