does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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