he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
handjob tips. give me some.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
