Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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