just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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