She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
God, I missed his penis.
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