Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
