Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
