I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
