Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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