why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
