life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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