you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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