i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
