I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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