do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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