you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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