Welp...herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
