I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
