Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
