there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
