She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
