She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
