Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
