I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
