You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
