Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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