My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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