The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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