if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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