You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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