I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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