i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
