Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
