I feel great
I just peed on a car
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
