have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
