so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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