are you still at the devil's house?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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