please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
