a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
