I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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