Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
