i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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