i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
