What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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