i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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