Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
