you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
