i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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