hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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