you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
