I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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