Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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