i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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