Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
