I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
