mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize