He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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