Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
