i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
