He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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